A Friendship that can't be broken

We've been friends
for what 10 years now
We didn't always get along
but here we are
closer than ever

We have some of the same interests
But differences too
Which is good
Or our friendship would be boring

Maybe the recent break-up
has brought me closer to you
Or maybe because
you were there helping pick up the pieces
of my heart he so carelessly shattered

You were there just a text message away
telling me it's going to be okay
someone is out there for you
Thing is I fell for you

Yes I told you how I felt
You don't know feel the same way
which is okay
I value our friendship much more

It's been a strange weekend
talking about interests
asking each other how our days are
sure it seems like casual conversation
but it feels much more than that

I'm probably just reading too much into it
After all I over think things
You still stand beside me as friend
Lending me a shoulder whenever I need it
There you are

I can't shake the feelings I have for you
I can only bottle them up
put them on a shelf
and not think about changing our friendship

About this Blog

Readers,

I guess I should explain a little about this blog. I started it so I could share my writing with the world. I got tired of always writing but being too scared to share. The poems I write are usually about things that have happened to me or they are things that I have thought about, mostly love and loss. Some of them about friendships that have been lost, others about friendships changing into something more.

It's my collection and slowly I will get more of my writings up here to be shared. Hopefully in the future some of my short stories will be up but for now, I'm sharing the poetry that has been sitting unfinished for some time and now I'm finally finishing them.

Some of the poems are about my most recent heartbreak. I thought we had it all figured out, but people change and it wasn't me that changed but him. He became too "busy" for me. He couldn't make the time; so now here I sit writing about the emotional journey to finding myself again without him.

I hope that you can enjoy this blog as much as I have fun writing it. I just never know what will be posted until I sit down at the computer and start typing for the day.


Have a wonderful day
-K

Not a perfect ending

People tell her she will never be loved
People tell her it's because she doesn't know how to open her heart
To her it's just fear of being hurt once again.

So many people walked out on her
Never giving her the chance she deserved
He was no different
She let him in, he walked away with no good-bye no explanation

She's afraid to love again
She was before she met him
and he changed that
but then reestablished the fear when he walked away

Planning a lifetime together
believing in happily ever after
He led her to that
He promised her they would be together forever
and she believed it

Wedding colors picked out
Wedding party figured out
Happily ever after was in the future

Kids names figured out
how many kids they wanted figured out
there it was Happily ever after once again

Then things changed
He distanced himself
Claiming he was busy
but he had time for his friends

Things started getting bad
fighting over everything it seemed
then talking it out
thinking that it was resolved
It wasn't though

It was like a wedge separated them
they weren't close like they used to be
The "I love you's" felt empty
the hugs weren't reassuring
seeing each other once a month
that's not a healthy relationship

Accusations of cheating
That started the wedge
Always coming from her though
She didn't like he had so many female friends

She's sure that he didn't like she had many male friends
No time for each other
She busy with work and school
She didn't even know what kept him so busy

It ended badly
She called him a coward
Told him never to call again
She felt free
Now reality is setting in that it's finally over

Slowly picking up the pieces
Knowing that he will always have a piece of her heart
She loved him and part of her still loves him


People tell her she wasn't supportive enough
She didn't care enough
She could never love him fully
But she did support him
She cared way more than people will ever now
She loved him so much more than people will ever know

This is in God's hands now
He has a plan for her
And he will give her the right one when the time is right

Leaving you behind

Here it is five years later.
I'm seeing 90% of my class married with kids
Married, or just getting engaged.
Where am I though?

I'm still finishing off college
Figuring out my next move
Wondering if I'll ever find love
I'm finding me

I look around and see the happy couples
I think I used to have that
Then I remember what happend
Lack of time for eachother

I guess I'm sorry that I'm a full time student
I'm sorry that I work at night so I can support myself
I'm sorry that I believed in the happily ever after picture
that you painted for me.
I'm sorry that I wasn't everything you thought I was

I'm sorry that I have a temper
I'm sorry that You couldn't talk about your problems
I was an open book
You closed me out of yours

It's been five years
Since I graduated
Five years since I was told I will fail
Five years since I was told I'll be lonely for life

I'm starting to believe it.
I'm starting to wonder if someone could ever love a girl like me
A girl who fights with all her heart for everything she believes in
A girl who loves unconditionally

I'm that girl who has been so hard on herself
That when I do find happiness I hang on
Hoping it doesn't go away
But You walked out

You abandoned her
You weren't strong enough
I'm that girl who will find her way
through the storm
I am stronger than I let on

Five years of naysayers
I won't believe them anymore
I won't let You hold me back
I won't appear weak any more

Five years later
I'm doing exactly what I want to do
Leaving You in the past




Interpret this how ever. It's poetry. At the very bottom however is how this poem came about and why I chose to write it. 









This poem is about a combination of things: the last five years along with the most recent heartbreak mixed in. I mixed the two because they sort of go hand in hand. I was always told I wouldn't be successful, and that I would never get married. I thought that with this most recent breakup it was the perfect time to reflect on myself and how much I've grown in the last five years, but more specifically this last year, when I thought Happily Ever After was going to happen. It didn't he walked away when things got tough and I was getting tired of how things were going anyway. If I tried to make plans, I always got the answer "We'll see," but he had time for his friends, just never for me it seemed. 

Never Happily ever after

She's wondering what happened
how it could go from planning
happily ever after
to feeling hatred.

What they had was special
A love that she thought
could endure anything
until recently.

He changed wasn't the same
His attitude towards her was different
almost to the point of pushing her away
Well, he succeeded.

Two weeks of no talking
two weeks of uncertainty 
Two weeks that she had to think
that this time it was really over

She didn't want to give up
She didn't give up
She was just fed up
Tired of the unknown

Communication is what broke them down
Or lack there of
Never having time for each other
that didn't help either

Every thing happens for a reason
They grew apart
and it got ugly
Finally he got to see how bad her temper can really be.

She is moving forward
trying to heal
but it's not easy
Especially since he still crosses her mind.

Untitled

I haven't titled this writing yet, only because i haven't been able to think of an appropriate title for it.

Why is it she gets nervous around him?

She wants to kiss him

But then thinks of reasons why she can’t

It’s the nerves that she tries to hide

She wants this to be something more

Than just staying friends

She can’t define it though

She doesn’t know where she stands

She hasn’t figured out why she feels like this

It’s like something has changed inside of her

The hugs feel so right like she’s supposed to be there

She smiles more and laughs at almost everything again

She’s falling for him more and more each day

Yet she doesn’t know how he feels about her

Does he want to be more than friends?

Maybe he isn’t sure about how she feels

All she knows is that it’s perfect right now

The wall that she’s hidden behind for so long

Has finally come down

She isn’t afraid of these feelings

Not like she used to be

A friend told her one time

If it feels right to be in his arms

Then maybe it’s meant to be after all

But for now she is just going to take it slow

See where things go

Find out how he feels about her

Figure out why she gets so nervous
Because right now it’s a good thing

That’s going on in her life

 

 

This poem I wrote while I was still in high school and just happen to stumble across it while I was cleaning up some files. It was written about wanting to change the status of a friendship, but it never happened. In fact we went our separate ways a while ago.  

Five years

I wish I could understand

How our friendship crumbled

I miss our friendship

I miss our talks

I miss you

It’s been 5 years

Since I’ve seen you

5 years to long

5 years since I’ve heard your voice

5 years since I’ve last had a hug from you

I don’t know why

But I’m struggling with this

Missing you

I thought I had it under control

I guess I don’t

You were the one

I thought would be in my life forever

But I guess God had other plans

I guess you did your job

Helping me become the person I am today

I saw a mutual friend of ours

She told me

I thought you two would end up together

She said it was in our eyes

How much we cared for each other

She told me

That you were the one for me

That it was supposed to last

So what happened?

Why do I still feel the pain?

Why has it been 5 years?

5 years to long

5 years of hurting and missing you

5 years of not knowing

The cause of our friendship to crumble?

Just know this

I think of you all the time

I think of our talks

Our jokes

And the way your voice reassured me things would be ok.

But most of all I miss your hugs

That’s where I felt the safest

Knowing you would always be there for me

Knowing you would catch me when I fell

But its 5 years that have gone by

I don’t know if you would catch me now

Or if I would feel safe in your arms embrace

I don’t know anything anymore

Because it’s been 5 years

Since I’ve seen you your face & heard your voice.

I wrote this poem after stumbling across some pictures. It made me think of this friend that used to be in my life and used to be the one of the few people in my friendship circle that would always try and make me feel better. This poem was a way for me to express how i was feeling and for me to officially close that door and it will only reopen if God wants it to. 

Figuring It Out

 

 

 

She is struggling to let go

Struggling to see her future without you

Struggling to close that chapter in her life

Struggling to see how her future will be. 

Thirteen years of friendship gone

Thirteen years of wondering

Thirteen years of wonderful memories

And dreading the day the freindship would end.

She will figure out who she is without you

She may not understand right now

Someday she will though

Or maybe she never will. 

She will find her way without you

Without your friendship

Without a painful memory

She will be ok without you.

Finally Free

She finally feels free
She finally has closed that door
That door of friendship
That door that was full of constant hurt

The friendship has finally come to an end
She can finally let go
It was a perfect friendship
It just couldn't last forever

This time the door really is closed
It's been bolted shut
Not to be reopened until the healing has finished
She's finally free

She's free of all the wondering
She knows that he will always have a part of her heart
But she is free
Nothing will change this

Nothing can stop her from letting go
It's in her best interest
It was time to move on
Time to let go

Maybe someday they will cross paths
and that friendship will rekindle
But for now she has to let go
Figure out who she is without him

She is Finally free of him.




I wrote this poem about a year ago. I was trying to move on after feeling like I had lost a friendship and this was the way to deal was writing. There are days I wonder about the what if's, but who doesn't at times. I still long for the days where I could turn back the clock and really figure out what went wrong, but I know that God has a plan for me.