New material coming soon!

Well readers it's been a hectic few months. Between life, work and school, I just haven't had much time to sit down and write. I'm hoping that as soon as the holiday season is over with I can sit down once again and start writing at least drafts of new things and work on the old drafts and fix them.

Until things from Christmas settle down, and I can get back to writing, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!

Finding happiness.

It's amazing what happens when you finally start letting go of the past and move forward. It's the texts that make you smile and knowing that it's going slow. It's finally knowing what it feels like to have something feel this natural. It's having that smile back that you thought you had lost for forever. It's knowing that this thing between you and him is going to go somewhere, but you just aren't a 100% sure yet.



Readers, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Tough choices

It's been a difficult week readers. I have made some tough decisions. I thought that I could keep fighting for what I thought was true love. I still love him, but I can't deal with the absenteeism and the constant worry and wondering of things. If things are supposed to work and it's in God's plan for us than when the timing is right than maybe will cross paths again but until then I'm moving on. He will always have a piece of my heart and I will always love.

The words of a few wise friends is "You deserve better and if he really loves you than it will work out when it's supposed to."

Another wise friend, "I think that this other guy would be good for you. You both have the same experiences with exes."
I got to thinking about those words and they couldn't be more right. I would love to get to know him a little better and see where things takes us. It's all in God's hands, readers.

Well readers, I hope you have a great week!

Do I keep fighting or not?

One minute everything feels like it's falling into place and then then next it's falling apart again

I try fighting but then I find a million reasons to try and give up 

I'm so unsure and I keep praying 

Hoping that somehow I'll find the answer

My heart is yours it always will be 

But this telling me one thing and then going back to exactly how it was 

It doesn't work
You either want me or you don't 

This back and forth of I love you but can't be with you is worse than not having you at all 

I support you 100% all the way.

I am so proud of you 

I will always love you because you are the keeper of my heart. 

No one else will ever have it. 

The Soldier and the Teacher

He protects our country
While she teaches the young minds
He is the hero to a child
And she enriches that child's mind

She leaves the school with a stack of papers to grade
He might not go home tonight because work might keep over
She will sit at the table eat dinner and watch the news
She will pray for the safe return of the soldiers overseas

He doesn't get to tuck his child into bed
or read him that bed time story
He is working hard not only to provide for his family
But to protect everyone's freedom

He's the soldier
She's the teacher
He protects your freedom
She enriches your child's mind


The more I read this I find myself believing that it's unfinished. I'm working on figuring out why I believe that it is unfinished.

Jumbled thoughts once again.

Today isn't a poem or a writing it's thoughts that keep me from writing. It's thoughts about him and how happy he makes me. I truly love him and right now I can't be with him. Yes I'm referring to the guy that most of the poems happen to be about. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed him until I really thought about. It was when he walked back in missing me. At least he had the guts to admit it. Me I was always hiding behind the fake smile that I've perfected over the years. People have a hard time figuring me out because I can hide behind my smile and not cry when everything seems to be falling apart.

He's the one that got away and I keep telling myself that if its true love than he will come back and we will make it work. I listen to music, a lot, and each time I find a song that somehow brings me back to a point in my relationship with him. It makes me miss him even more. I love him with all my heart and nothing can change that. He's my best friend and can figure out with just one look at me and know that something was bothering me. Even when the world was fooled, he never was. He was the one I've felt like I've known a lifetime and I had just met him weeks before we started dating. He's my one. He could always find a way to make me laugh. His favorite thing to tell me was smile it makes your butt shine. I always to smack him for saying that but instead it put a smile on my face no matter what was bothering me.

It's those thoughts that cross my mind on a daily basis. Here I am getting ready for the new semester to start and he's not here to tell me that it's going to be okay. He's not going to be there when I'm stressed to give me a hug and tell me "Babe, no matter what happens you are amazing." Yep it's those thoughts that keep me jumbled up and keep me from focusing on my writing. Every time I pick up the pen or sit down at the computer those thoughts come flooding back. I try and hide them. I try and push them aside, but I can't because he's the only one who supported my idea of becoming a teacher. He's was the rock that told me I can do this and told me that it didn't matter what my parents thought as long as I was happy. I miss him and his support.

That's been my thoughts for the last month. I love him and only him.

A battle

It's a nightly battle for sleep
I fall asleep but only for a couple of hours at a time.
I wake up and think about you
I always think about you and your wonderful son
I replay my favorite memories of us
But it's never the same
It doesn't help me go back to sleep.
It just makes me miss you even more
Then the tears come and I finally cry enough that it wears me out for two more hours of sleep.
I get up look at my now puffy face
and think how much makeup will I need today.
You always told me I was beautiful without it
It's what now covers the sunken eyes and dark circles
Eye drops erase any sign that I was crying.
The day starts but not with my once soon to be husband and son
It starts with me alone playing all the songs that remind me of you and us and eating breakfast alone
I go about the day
Fool the world into thinking I'm okay
Inside I'm a wreck
I wonder where I go from here
My heart tells me don't give up
Don't stop fighting
I never have its just life has a different idea for us
I don't know when to call or text
I am your biggest supporter
I always will be my love
I love you and only you